


Don't You Dare

by MorganaNK



Category: Ashes to Ashes
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-30
Updated: 2016-06-30
Packaged: 2018-07-19 06:58:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 10,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7350598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorganaNK/pseuds/MorganaNK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Alex falls apart it is up to Gene to put her back together</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Characters are the property of Matthew Graham, Ashley Pharoah, the BBC and all other interested parties.  
> No copyright infringement intended

I was worried about her. Since she had seen the Prices get blown into little pieces she had withdrawn into herself, slowly and surely the mouthy tart I had grown to know, and if I am honest with myself, love had eroded before my eyes.

I had got her to join me in Luigi’s. Oh she had played the part well, joining in with the team as they welcomed Shaz back, smiling at Chris’s awful Italian jokes, but she looked dreadful. I told her that, shouted across at her to come and join the land of the living, pouring her a glass of red. I told her that we were unbreakable, and she smiled at me, but yet again the smile didn’t quite reach her eyes. I tried to tell myself that there was nothing wrong, that I was being a nancy, worrying about feelings and all that shit that the Gene Genie didn’t normally worry about, but deep in my heart I knew different. I knew that I would do anything for her.

She had stayed sitting opposite and, as the night had progressed, she had consumed more and more of the house rubbish. When she had got up to go to the bathroom she had wobbled precariously on her feet, holding onto the bar for support as she made her way unsteadily across the room. She was just as unsteady on her return journey and had stumbled against the table as she had got back into her seat.

After a couple of hours she had said her goodnights and headed up to her flat. I had offered to go with her, making a joke about that still unwatched VHS of They Died With Their Boots On that was still propping up the coffee table. She had smiled at me, the first genuine smile I had seen on her face all day, but had turned me down. Said that she needed to sleep, that once she had had a good night’s rest she would be fine. I was disappointed, but I chose not to push the issue and instead just nodded and watched her denim clad arse as she weaved her way towards the door.

***

It was one am by the time I stumbled out of Luigi’s. As I stopped to light a cheroot, I glanced up at the window of her flat, and was surprised to see her sitting there, staring blankly into the night. I turned on my heel and made my way up the stairs to her front door.

“Oi Bolls, open up!” I grumbled loudly as I hammered my fist against the wood. “Bolly, it’s cold enough to freeze the nuts off a brass monkey out ‘ere, let me in!”

I was drunk, I knew that, but not drunk enough to drown out the worry that was gnawing away at me. I needed to see her, needed to make sure that she was ok. I couldn’t go home until I had reassured myself that everything was as ok with her as it could be.

I was just about to start hammering and grumbling again when I heard the latch being released and the door opened a crack.

I pushed open the door and made my way inside. “About bloody time Bolls, anyone would think that you didn’t want to see me or somethin’”

I closed the door and then turned to look at her, my breath catching in my throat. If I had thought that she looked bad when she had left Luigi’s then right now she looked like death warmed over. She was wrapped in the blue blanket that usually lived on the sofa, her face deathly pale, her eyes sunken and surrounded by black rings; if I hadn’t known better I would have sworn she had two black eyes. She was even more unsteady on her feet, and was looking at me as if she didn’t know me. Sobering almost instantly, I hurried over to her.

“Alex?” I placed my hands on her shoulders and felt her sway beneath them. “What’s going on Alex?”

She reached with a shaky hand and caressed me cheek, cupping it in her hand, a look of confusion covering her like a mask. My worry cranked up a notch.

“Gene.” Her voice was breathy and slurred, and her eyes were unfocussed.

“You been ‘avin’ a private party up ‘ere an’ didn’ think to invite the Gene Genie?” She appeared to be paralytic, but I thought that there was more to it than that. After the explosion I had made her get checked out by the police surgeon. She had told me that he had pronounced her fit for duty, and I had trusted her. But what if he had given her something? I mentally kicked myself for not checking with him personally.

I scooped her into my arms and carried her over to the sofa. She didn’t protest, if anything she seemed to melt in my arms. I placed her down gently and then looked around, spotting an open bottle of wine, a half full glass and, more disturbingly, a pill bottle sitting on the coffee table. 

I reached out for the bottle, my heart sinking as I read the label. The words seemed to jump out at me; Temazepam, do not take this medication with alcohol, do not take more than the prescribed dose of 20mg. Slipping the bottle into my pocket, I perched myself on the edge of the table and turned my attention to her.

“’Ow many ‘ave you taken Alex?”

She reached for me again, her hand stopping short of my face. I watched her as she moved her hand side to side, her head following its path but her eyes not focussing. A silly grin crept across her lips.

“Damn it woman, ‘ow many of them ‘ave you taken?” I was getting angry now, but it was anger born of heart shattering panic.

She didn’t respond, seemingly still fascinated by her hand. I was beginning to wonder if she even remembered that I was in the room with her. I knew that I had to get her to a hospital, if she had taken an overdose, even unintentionally, the sooner she got there the sooner they could start treating her. Making sure that she was securely wrapped in the blanket, I swept her into my arms again and made my way out of the flat and down to the Quattro.

***

I abandoned the Quattro on the double yellow lines outside Accident and Emergency, not caring if it was illegally parked. Hurrying round to the passenger side, I manoeuvred her from the car and back into my arms. I met with no resistance, in fact during the journey her behaviour had become more and more strange, and therefore more and more worrying, it was as if she was in a world of her own, no longer registering me or anything else around her. Striding purposefully, I made my way into the hospital.

“I need some ‘elp ‘ere.” I announced loudly as I entered the waiting area.


	2. Chapter 2

Everything seemed to happen all at once after I had asked for help. A nurse hurried over to where I was standing, took one look at Alex and then yelled for a trolley and a doctor. As soon as the trolley appeared I gently lowered her onto it. My arms immediately missed her. I tried to back away so that the medical staff could begin their assessment of her condition and so I could answer the questions that were being fired at me, but she had other ideas and reached for me, lacing her fingers with mine and squeezing them to the point of cutting off the circulation. Maybe I was wrong; maybe she was aware that I was with her.

If asked, I couldn't have told you anything about the corridors that we walked through as I was totally fixated on her as she was wheeled through to the treatment area. They weren't trying to make her let go of me at the moment, but I was under no illusion that they would as soon as we reached our destination.

"What's her name?"

The soft voice made me realise that I was still being spoken to, and that I hadn't actually answered any questions or told them anything that would help them treat her. I turned in the direction of the voice and forced my attention to focus on the questioner.

"Alex, Alex Drake, she's a DI, and I'm 'er Guv." I wanted to say that we were so much more, but the words stuck in my throat.

"Can you tell me what she has taken?"

With my free hand I reached into my pocket and pulled out the bottle that I had taken from the flat.

"She's 'ad a lot to drink, been a rough day for 'er… don't know 'ow many she's taken, couldn't get no sense out of 'er, brought 'er straight 'ere as soon as I found out."

The nurse took the bottle from me and handed it to the doctor. He glanced at it briefly and then started reeling off a load of instructions to his staff. I didn't understand any of what he said, and to be honest I didn't care, I just wanted them to help her, to make things right.

We crashed through the doors of the resus room, and it was then that her hand slipped from mine. I backed away, my hand feeling as empty as my arms had earlier, and people busied themselves around her. I felt completely helpless, totally out of my depth, and full of self-loathing because I had let her leave Luigi's, because I hadn't asked the right questions of the police surgeon, and because I had let her down.

It was when they started preparing her for what they called a gastric lavage that I had to leave the room. I couldn't stand there and watch as they put the tube down her throat to help her breathe, especially as they had explained the procedure to me and I knew what was coming next. It didn't matter how hard I made myself out to be; how much of a bastard DCI Hunt was, Gene Hunt didn't have it in him to just watch as Bolly had her stomach pumped, and if that made me a coward then I would wear that badge with no complaint, along with the one that said helpless.


	3. Chapter 3

I had finally managed to summon up what was left of my dwindling courage and go back to sit with Alex. I hated that she was going through this; that my gorgeous posh mouthy tart was so wounded, that I hadn’t noticed, and that I hadn’t been there when she needed me. 

She was still in Resus, screens pulled around the bed to give her privacy, but a nurse was nearby, making notes on a chart. I acknowledged him as I sat down in the chair by her bed and reached for her hand.

“You dozy mare Bols, what did you go an’ do that for?” 

I stroked the back of her hand with my thumb, my eyes never leaving her face. She looked peaceful, which was a hell of an improvement on the spaced out version I had encountered in her flat an hour or so earlier.

“I don’ understand why you’re so upset ‘bout the Prices, I mean it’s not as if you knew ‘em all that well, but even so, you could ‘ave talked to me Bolly, told me what was goin’ on in that posh ol’ brain of yours. I would ‘ave listened to you, probably taken the piss somethin’ rotten an’ told you that you were thinkin’ too much an’ too loudly, but I would ‘ave listened. I ain’t that much of an ‘eartless bastard! You didn’ need to go and do somethin’ like this.”

They had told me that Alex wouldn’t be able to be discharged until the danger period had passed, until they were sure that there weren’t going to be any side effects from what she had taken. They wanted to arrange for her to speak to someone, to talk about what she had done and why she had done it, and I wasn’t in any position to argue with them when I wanted answers to the same questions myself.

“I’m not goin’ anywhere until they tell me that I can take you ‘ome. Ray can look after things in CID, ‘bout bloody time ‘e stepped up to the mark an’ actually did somethin’ rather than sittin’ around on ‘is arse all day readin’ Penthouse! Hidin’ it inside case files like I don’ know what ‘e’s really up to the twonk! ‘e an’ Wonder Chris will be fine. They’re gonna ‘ave to be, I have a DI with the common sense of a grain weevil to take care of.”

I shifted uncomfortably on the hard plastic chair, tiredness wearing heavily on me. I had been running on adrenalin since I had entered her flat, and now those events and the events preceding them were catching up with me. 

“You’re not gonna ‘ear me say ‘alf of this when you’re awake Bols, but you scared the bloody life out of me tonight. When you let me in to the flat, an’ you were standin’ there all spaced out an’ lookin’ for all the world like you’d been punched by Frank Bruno I didn’ know what to do or think. I care ‘bout you you dozy cow, more than I should do, more than I care ‘bout anyone, or ‘ave ever cared ‘bout anyone. You tie me up in bloody knots with your psychtwattery bollocks an’ your thinkin’, but I like that, I like that you challenge me, make me wan’ to be a better man. It’s like I’ve met my match. You’ve balls Alex, and bigger ones than Ray! Never known a bird to be as fearless as you. Gets you into loads of shit an’ the Gene Genie ‘as to ride to the rescue, but I still admire you.” 

I shifted again, desperately trying to find a comfortable position, finally sat leaning forward, my head resting on the bed beside her, my weary eyes still focussing on her face, my thumb still tracing gentle patterns on the back of her hand.

“’owever long it takes Bols, I’m gonna be ‘ere. You don’ ‘ave to go through this alone.”


	4. Chapter 4

It was one am by the time I stumbled out of Luigi’s. As I stopped to light a cheroot, I glanced up at the window of her flat, and was surprised to see her sitting there, staring blankly into the night. I turned on my heel and made my way up the stairs to her front door.

“Oi Bolls, open up!” I grumbled loudly as I hammered my fist against the wood. “Bolly, it’s cold enough to freeze the nuts off a brass monkey out ‘ere, let me in!”

I was drunk, I knew that, but not drunk enough to drown out the worry that was gnawing away at me. I needed to see her, needed to make sure that she was ok. I couldn’t go home until I had reassured myself that everything was as ok with her as it could be.

I hammered again, my worry creeping up one more notch towards blind panic.

“Bolls, if you don’ open this bloody door I’m going to kick it in an’ bollocks to upsettin’ Luigi!”

Still no response. 

I stepped back, angling my body so that I could hit the door with my shoulder. It wasn’t the strongest door/lock combination in the world and, even as I felt it give under my persuasion, I made a mental note to get Luigi to do something about it.

Another shove and the door surrendered. I stepped over the threshold and hurriedly made my way into the lounge, shouting for Alex as I went.

“Bloody ‘ell Bolls, what does a man ‘ave to do to get your attention?”

She was still sitting in the window, her back to me, her head resting against the frame and the glass. The worry had now been replaced with full scale panic. I strode over to her, putting my hands on her shoulders, intending to make her turn round and face me but, as I touched her she fell backwards.

“Shit!”

I caught her, swept her into my arms and carried her over to the sofa. As I laid her down she was almost boneless. I ripped open her nightshirt and pressed my ear to her chest; she wasn’t breathing. I also checked for a pulse; I couldn’t find one.

“Don’t you bloody dare!”

After making a call for an ambulance, I began CPR on her.

“You’re not getting’ away from me that easily Alex!” I panted as I checked her breathing and pulse again, mentally praying for the ambulance to turn up soon. “I told you, you aren’t goin’ anywhere unless I bloody well say you can!”

…

It seemed as if it had been hours since I had broken into the flat and found Alex. 

“Hello, did someone call an ambulance?”

“In ‘ere.” I yelled in response, relieved that they had arrived as I was tiring, although I wouldn’t have given up on her.

“What’s happened?” One of the ambulance crew asked as I stepped back and allowed them to take over.

“I don’ bloody know! She didn’t answer the door, so I broke in. Found ‘er like this, been tryin’ to bring ‘er back ever since.”

“Could she have taken something?”

“I said I don’ bloody know! She's 'ad a lot to drink, been a rough day for 'er. She was caught up in a car bomb. Police surgeon checked ‘er out an’ she told me ‘e ‘ad pronounced ‘er fit for duty. Dunno if ‘e gave ‘er anythin’.”

“What’s her name?”

“Alex, Alex Drake, she's a DI, and I'm 'er Guv.” I wanted to say that we were so much more, but the words stuck in my throat.

…

Another eternity passed as I stood back and, feeling completely helpless, watched the ambulance crew as they worked on her. In the back of my mind I knew that their efforts were in vain, but there was no way I was going to admit that to myself or utter the words out loud. It was then that I realised that they had stopped, and that one of them was looking at his watch.

“What are you bloody doin’? It doesn’ matter what the time is!”

“Time of death, 01:35am.”

I tried to fight past them to carry on with the CPR but it was a half hearted effort.

“I’m so sorry, she’s gone, there’s nothing that you or anyone else can do for her now.”

I fell to my knees, not caring what they thought of me, as I felt my heart break, an anguished cry leaving my lips.

“No Bolly, no!”


	5. Chapter 5

“No Bolly, no!”

I sat bolt upright, shaking my head to clear the cobwebs, totally confused and unsure of where I was and what the hell was going on. I felt a hand on my shoulder, and turned round sharply to see the face of the nurse who had been monitoring her.

“Are you OK Sir?”

I looked around, trying to get my bearings, my heart racing in my chest. It was then that I realised that I was still in resus and, more to the point, still holding Alex’s hand. 

Taking a deep breath to try and calm myself I asked, “’ow is she?” 

The nurse smiled at me, which he might have meant as a friendly and compassionate expression, but left me fighting against the overwhelming urge to shake him warmly by the throat until he told me what I wanted to know.

“She’s fine as can be expected. We are still monitoring her. Why don’t you go home Sir and get some rest, she’s going to be with us for a while yet.”

His words went some way to reassuring me, so I turned my attention back to her, and resumed stroking her hand.

“I’m not goin’ anywhere.”

“There’s nothing that you can do for her at the momen...”

“I am not goin’ anywhere!” My words were spat and full of undisguised venom. “I let ‘er go up to ‘er flat on ‘er own an’ this ‘appened!” With my free hand I gestured to Alex, lying still and quiet on the bed. “I am not leavin’ this ‘ospital until she leaves it with me!”

The nurse seemed to realise that continuing to convince me differently was only going to cause even more of a disturbance than we already had and, sighing quietly, he slipped back to his clipboard and busied himself with making notes.

“Sorry ‘bout that Bolls, didn’ mean to cause a fuss. Was waitin’ for you to tell me to stop causin’ a scene if I’m ‘onest. Really ain’ like you to be so quiet, bloody unnervin’ actually. Normally I can’ get you to shut your mouth long enough for me to get a word in edgeways!”

She still looked pale, except for the black circles around her eyes. I mentally berated myself for not seeing what had been going on under my nose, too wrapped up in the visit from Scarman.

“I must ‘ave fallen asleep a while ago, ‘cause I ‘ad a bloody nightmare. Dreamt that I lost you Bolls, that I didn’ get to you in time. Scared me more than I like to admit. Bloody Gene Genie ain’ supposed to be scared, an’ yet losin’ you pretty much terrifies me.”

I brushed her hair gently off her forehead, and then bent down to kiss the spot that my fingers had just caressed.

“You crashed into my world an’ turned the whole bloody thing on its ‘ead. If I thought that Tyler was a nutter, well, ‘e ‘ad nothin’ on you! All this talk of the future an’ stuff. Why do I attract the nutters and the weirdoes?” I shook my head, a ghost of a smile crossing my face. “Thing is, I’m glad that you transferred to my CID. I didn’ realise how lonely I was until you turned up, all short skirt, fur coat, no knickers and a big gob. You made an impression Bolls, both on me an’ the little Gene Genie!”

I laughed, looking down at her face, lightly stroking her cheek with my fingers. Her skin was soft and warm, something I was glad of, because she still looked as pale as death.

“First time I saw you I wanted to get in your knickers. Even when I thought that you were a prozzie. Shocked the ‘ell out of me when you pulled out your warrant card and I discovered you were my new DI. ‘ave to admit, was ‘oping that you would come into CID dressed like that every day! Tell you one thing Bolly, life is never dull since you arrived.”

I settled back in my chair, never letting go of her hand.

“Still can’ get over you not answerin’ back. Reckon I’ve managed to say more since we got ‘ere than I ‘ave since the day I met you! But, seriously Alex, you need to wake up now. I need to know that you’re goin’ to be ok. Fenchurch East wouldn’ be the same without you totterin’ around on those bloody heels of yours as you spout all tha’ psychtwattery rubbish. So, come on Bolly, time for you to wake up an’ punch me!”

I was so wrapped up in staring at her face, willing her to open her eyes and look at me, that I nearly missed her fingers tightening around mine. I glanced down at our joined hands and then back up at her face again.

“Bolly?”


	6. Chapter 6

She was trying to open her eyes. My heart leapt into my mouth.

“I’m ‘ere Bolly, open your eyes for me Love, you’re safe an’ in ‘ospital.”

Her fingers again tightened against mine.

“Come on you daft mare, you can do it. If I can sit ‘ere an’ ‘old your ‘and then the least you can do is open your bloody eyes!”

Her eyelids fluttered again, and the grip on my hand tightened. She began to struggle against the intubation tube. 

“’s’ok Bolly, I’ll get someone to come and ‘elp you. 

Not letting go of her hand I shouted over my shoulder in the general direction of the nurses’ station. “Can I ‘ave some ‘elp ‘ere, she’s wakin’ up.”

A nurse hurried to my side, looking down at her.

“Hello there, you’ve decided to rejoin us.”

I looked down at Alex, her eyes were wide open now and she was staring at me in confusion. I stroked my thumb against the back of her hand, smiling at her.

“No need to look so stunned Bolls, the Gene Genie looks after ‘is own. Weren’t gonna leave you ‘ere with no one to keep an eye on you, who knows what trouble you could ‘ave got yourself into.”

I didn't let go of her hand as they removed her intubation tube and gave her some water to sip. Once they had finished I moved closer to the bed. Alex was still looking at me with complete confusion.

“Anything you wan' to ask me Bolly? I can 'ear you thinkin' from 'ere.”

Her voice was nothing more than a whisper, but I heard every word.

“Who are you?”


	7. Chapter 7

... “So, what you’re tellin’ me is that she’s completely forgotten who I am?”

“Ms Drake is displaying all the symptoms that lead us to believe that she is suffering from dissociative amnesia. From what you have told us about recent events in her life, it would seem that the trauma of your latest case where you were unable to save a family from a car bomb was too much for her to handle mentally, and so her brain has shut out everything.”

I was getting frustrated. Talking to this doctor was like having a discussion with Bolly when she was on one of her psychtwattery rants.

“But ‘ow can she ‘ave forgotten everythin’? It’s not like she was caught up in the explosion or anythin’. She wasn’ tha’ close to the car when it went up.”

“Seeing people blown apart is a trauma. The brain can only handle so much. You told me that Ms Drake was totally invested in this case, to the extent that she ignored your authority in order to try and stop what happened. To fail; and to see that failure so spectacularly played out in front of her appears to have been enough to make her shut down mentally.”

“Ok, I get it, Bolly’s gone even more fruitcake than she normally is! So, what ‘appens now? ‘ow do we sort ‘er out?”

“Therapy…”

“You gonna shrink ‘er ‘ead? Think she’s done enough of that on ‘er own don’t you?”

The doctor glared at me, so I shot back the patent Gene Genie death stare. He looked away first and coughed nervously.

“As I was saying, the treatment for dissociative amnesia is therapy, and possibly hypnosis. Or at least I would like to try those methods before I resort to drugs.”

“Drugs? You wan’ to pump ‘er full of somethin’ to make ‘er remember what ‘appened? Thought most people took drugs to ‘elp themselves forget the shit goin’ on in their lives!”

“There is one drug, sodium amytal, which can sometimes help restore the memory but, as I said, I would like to explore other avenues before I resort to that. She will also need therapy, probably psychotherapy, when her memories return.”

When he mentioned psychotherapy I snorted. What was it with Bolly and all this psychtwattery stuff? It seemed to follow her everywhere she went. My reaction didn’t go unnoticed.

“Do you find the subject of psychotherapy amusing DCI Hunt?”

“Only because Bolly is a psychologist” I smiled to myself, thinking how shocked she would be if she could hear me getting the name right. “She’s always bangin’ on about psychtwattery this and psychtwattery that; does me bloody ‘ead in at times.”

“Unfortunately none of Ms Drake’s training will be of any use to her at the moment; if anything it may be a hindrance. We shall have to take things one day at a time DCI Hunt.”

“An’ in the meantime? I mean, can I still see ‘er, spend time with ‘er? We’re friends an’ she doesn’t ‘ave many of ‘em. I would ‘ate for ‘er to be alone if she doesn’t ‘ave to be.”

‘Bloody poof’, I thought, even as the words were leaving my mouth. What the hell was happening to me? Love was really making me soft!

“Ms Drake doesn’t seem to be afraid of you, even though she can’t remember who you are; I don’t think it will do her any harm if you keep visiting her. Obviously if the situation changes and your presence upsets or scares her then we will have to have a rethink. Just be careful what you say to her.”

With that the doctor walked away. I slumped down into a nearby chair and rubbed my hands over my face feeling bloody exhausted. I couldn’t have been sitting there for more than a few minutes when I heard someone calling my name through the open door of the resus room opposite, and I realised that that someone was Bolly.


	8. Chapter 8

I almost leapt from my seat and hurried to her bedside. I decided to play it cool, although my heart was pounding nineteen to the dozen after hearing my name on her lips.

“You called Bolly?”

The look on her face was one of confusion.

“Bolly? You keep calling me that but I don’t know why. My name is Alex.”

I sat down in the chair by her bed and risked taking her hand in mine; she didn’t fight me or pull away.

“Bolly is one of my very many nicknames for you. When we first met I though you were a classy bird an’ that it would take a bottle of Bollinger to get your knickers off.”

She pulled a face at my comment.

“Charming.”

“That’s me Bolls, charmin’ the birds outta the trees me.”

Her eyes dropped from mine and she focussed on our joined hands.

“I don’t know all the hows and whys, in fact I don’t even really remember you; all I do know is that I feel safe with you, as if being with you is where I should be. I’m scared, and yet when you’re around things don’t seem so bad. Why is that? And how do we know each other Gene?”

My hopes that she was remembering me shattered, but I also felt a glimmer of optimism flare deep inside me at her words.

“I’m your Guv.”

She frowned; a look of confusion passing over her features.

“My Guv?

“Yeah, I’m the DCI at Fenchurch East an’ you’re my DI. Right bloody pain in my arse you are too. Always goin’ on abou’ bloody psychiatry.”

“Psychology, its psychology.” 

Her voice was no more than a murmur, but I had heard her all the same. My heart skipped a beat; she was still in there somewhere.

“Sorry Bolls, I didn’ quite catch that.”

“I said its psychology, not psychiatry.”

“It’s all bloody psychtwattery to me Luv. Anyhow, we work together, you’re my secon’ in command. We fight like cat an’ bloody dog but we always get the job done. We’re friends too; an’ we spend most nights sittin’ in Luigi’s drinkin’ ‘ouse rubbish an’ arguin’ some more.”

“Luigi’s?”

“It’s the trattoria opposite the station. Serves some of the most inedible grub in London, especially steak an’ flamin’ chips pizza; an’ some of the most undrinkable bloody wine too, but we still all end up there after work.”

“All?”

“The bunch o’ idiots that make up Fenchurch East CID.”

“What happened to me Gene? Why am I in hospital?”

“You ‘ad an accident Bolls. Somethin’ at work shook you up an’… well you ‘ad a little bit too much to drink an’ took a few too many pills. Not to worry though, the Gene Genie foun’ you an’ got you to ‘ospital in time. All you need to concern your pretty little ‘ead about is gettin’ well so that I can sit in me office an’ stare at your arse.”

All the time that we had been talking she hadn’t let go of my hand; in fact on a few occasions her fingers had tightened against mine. I thought that I might have pushed things with my last comments, but she still didn’t let go.

“I’m scared Gene. I can’t remember much of anything. It’s like someone has emptied my mind like a filing cabinet. All the files are still in there but there is nothing much inside them; and what there is has been filed incorrectly. There’s a huge chunk of my life missing, and I don’t know if I’m ever going to get it back. For some unfathomable reason, somehow you are the one sane thing in my crazy mixed up world. I need you; I feel safe with you. I don’t think that I can do this without you. I know that it’s a lot to ask of you, and I will understand completely if you say no, but I hope that you…”

I leant forward and pressed a gentle kiss on her forehead, effectively silencing her.

“I’m ‘ere as long as you need me to be Bolls; I always go where I’m needed.”


	9. Chapter 9

… They decided to keep Bolly in for a week, wanting to make sure that she was now stable, well as stable as Madam Fruitcake could ever hope to be with half her mind missing. In the end they had only agreed to discharge her if it could be guaranteed that someone would be there to take care of her. I offered before I really knew what I was actually volunteering for. I had expected Bolls to argue with me, but to my surprise she acquiesced without so much as a murmur. She would have to return as an outpatient for her therapy, but I think that she was just desperate to get away from being prodded and poked and treated like a lab rat.

I had arranged to take some leave. With both of us away from CID Ray had been promoted to acting DI. I just hoped that we would have a department to return to!

I made my way to Alex’s room. The doctor was due to discharge her at 10am, and it was nearly that now. I had to be there to sign some paperwork and make sure that I knew what to do and what not to do when looking after her. I didn’t want her to have to stay in this place a moment longer than was absolutely necessary.

I stopped in the doorway. Alex was sitting on the bed, her face scrubbed bare of make-up. She looked so lost and alone, and my heart went out to her. I hated seeing her like this, and wished that there was something that I could do to make things right. I couldn’t begin to imagine what it must be like, being trapped in a world where nothing made sense, where you didn’t know anyone, and where nothing seemed familiar.

“Gene?”

The soft, questioning way she spoke my name dragged me back into the here and now. Striding into her room, I bent down by the bed and picked up her bag.

“You ready to get out of ‘ere Bolls?”

Silently she held out her hand to me and nodded.

.-.-.-.-.

The paperwork had been signed, and I had been briefed on what to look out for and who to call if there were any problems. I had decided that it would be better if I took Alex to her flat and looked after her there. That way she would have all of her belongings around her, and hopefully something might jog her memory. It meant that I was going to become reacquainted with that horribly uncomfortable couch in her lounge, but that would be a small price to pay to help her.

Who the hell was I trying to kid? I was madly in love with her, and looking after her was going to be anything but a hardship. I knew that once she got her memory back, things would go back to the way they were; us being friends, but dancing around the issue that there was something more brewing between us. I wanted to make the most of every second that I could be with her, looking after her, and fooling myself that there was something more to our relationship.

.-.-.-.-.

I brought the Quattro to a gentle halt outside of Luigi’s. The whole journey had been silent; with Alex looking out of the window but, I suspected, not really seeing anything or taking anything in. For a flat footed northerner with a superiority complex I was doing quite well with this psychology lark!

“Why are we here?”

Alex’s voice was so hushed that I almost missed her question.

“It’s where you live Bolls. You rent a flat above the restaurant.”

She brought a shaky hand up to the glass of the car window.

“Why can’t I remember anything?”

I could hear the hitch in her voice and, before I knew what was happening, she had turned from the window and thrown herself sobbing into my arms. I put one arm around her, my free hand gently stroking her hair, and held her while she cried, my heart breaking at her desolation. Oh I had it bad.


	10. Chapter 10

It took a while, but eventually Alex calmed down enough for me to get her out of the car and carry both her and her small suitcase up the stairs and into her flat. She was exhausted, but was holding onto me with something akin to a death grip. Still carrying her, I made my way through the flat to her bedroom and went to put her on the bed.

“I think you need t’ get some rest Bolls.”

Her grip on me tightened.

“Don’t leave me.”

“The Gene Genie isn’t goin’ anywhere. I keep tellin’ you, I go where I’m needed, an’ right now I know I’m needed ‘ere. I just think that you should get some rest.”

I tried to put her down on the bed again, but still she wouldn’t let go of me.

“Stay with me.”

“I’ll just be outside Bolly. If you need anythin’ then all you have t’ do is call.”

“I don’t want to be alone. Stay with me, here. I don’t think I can sleep if you’re not here.”

Still holding her in my arms, I sat down on the edge of the bed. She made herself comfortable in my lap, her hands still keeping their white knuckle hold on my coat.

“Come on Bolls, you managed to sleep at the ‘ospital and I wasn’t there.”

She looked up at me with tear filled eyes and I knew that there was no way I could refuse her anything that she asked.

“Please?”

“Y’know, if you wanted a bit o’ the Gene Genie, all you ‘ad to do was ask.” I teased. “Jus’ let me take off my coat or else I’m goin’ t’ pass out.”

She let go of me and crawled onto the bed. I slipped off my coat and boots and then turned my attention back to Alex. She had removed her jacket and shoes, and was looking at me expectantly. I settled on the bed, my head hardly touching the pillow before she was back in my arms, her head resting on my chest.

“Make yourself comfortable why don’t you.” I teased, but I didn’t get a response. Alex was already fast asleep.


	11. Chapter 11

I woke to find myself in bed alone. A wave of disappointment washed over me, I had hoped that Alex would still be in my arms, but I pushed the feeling away and got out of bed, concerned as to where Alex was and what she was doing. 

I padded through the flat until I reached the kitchen. There, sitting at the table, was Alex. She looked a lot better than she had when we had come back to the flat, but I wasn’t under any illusion that she still had a very long way to go. Her voice derailed my train of thought.

“Morning, did you sleep well?”

I yawned and nodded. “Better than I ‘ave in a while; what about you?”

“Fine thanks. Can I get you anything? Tea, coffee, there may even be some bread knocking around that I can toast?”

I moved over to where she was sat and crouched down beside her.

“I’m fine Bolls, but you an’ I need to talk.”

She sighed deeply. “I still can’t remember anything Gene; I wish I could. It’s so damn frustrating.”

I took one of her hands in mine and unconsciously stroked its palm with my thumb.

“The doctors said that it was goin’ t’ take time Bolls. I don’t know the whys and wherefores, only that I am goin’ t’ be with you every step of the way, for as long as you want, an’ for however long it takes.”

She looked at me with teary eyes.

“Why are you doing this for me Gene? It’s not that I don’t appreciate it, because believe me I do, more than you will ever know, but I don’t understand why you putting your life on hold so that you can look after me.”

“I told you Bolls, I go where I’m needed.” 

“I feel as if you’re not telling me something, as if there’s more to this, which there probably is but I don’t have a hope in hell of knowing what that is as I can’t even remember my bloody life at the moment! Gene; you said that I was your DI, your second in command, and it would appear that we are friends too but; is there any more to it than that?”

I looked away from her, knowing that if she looked into my eyes she would see everything that I felt for her, everything that I kept locked away inside of me because I was too scared to do anything about it.

“Gene?”

I felt her gently touch my face and raise my chin so that I had no option but to look at her.

“Leave it alone Bolls.” I really didn’t want to do this. 

“Gene, you said that we needed to talk; and this is me talking. Why are you looking after me Gene? What am I to you?”

I dropped her hand as if I had been scalded, stood and hurried away from her to the kitchen window, breathing deeply as I tried to pull myself together. I heard her stand and make her way over to me, holding my breath as I felt her rest her forehead against my back. I didn’t understand why she was acting like this. Had the amnesia broken down the barriers that she and I both put in place on a daily basis or was she just reaching out to me because she was lonely and I was the only friendly face in a very confusing world? Could I risk telling her again what I had confided to her in hospital? Would it be unfair of me to tell her; to take advantage of the situation? I fought with myself, wanting to tell her, wanting so much to lose myself in her.

“I can’t remember you Gene, but I wish that I could because I feel as if you and I have got something really special. Even with the amnesia I know that I wouldn’t just trust a man because he said that we knew each other; there has to be something in my subconscious that recognises you and tells me that it is ok for me to let my guard down, to trust you because you aren’t going to hurt me or abuse my vulnerability. So, be honest with me Gene; who and what am I to you?”

I took another deep breath and turned away from the window. Alex looked up at me expectantly and I felt my resistance crumble.

“You really want t’ know why I am ‘ere, lookin’ after you?”

She nodded, and I knew I was damned.

“I bloody love you, that’s why Bolls. Gene Hunt is totally an’ ‘opelessly in love with you.”


	12. Chapter 12

I waited for her to either slap me or laugh in my face; not quite believing that I had just told her that I loved her and opened myself up to heartache and ridicule. I couldn’t even look her in the face.

“Look at me Gene.”

“If you’re goin’ t’ punch me then I’d rather not see it comin’”

“Look at me Gene; trust me. I’m not going to punch you.”

“Then I don’ want t’ see you laugh at me.”

I heard her sigh deeply, and I knew that I was being unfair to her. I was supposed to be taking care of her and yet I was making her jump through hoops. The thing was, I couldn’t believe that someone like her could ever see me as anything other than a friend. Yes, Gene Hunt was insecure and terrified.

“I’m not going to laugh at you either. I asked you to tell me what I meant to you and you did. I’m still fumbling around in the dark here, not knowing who I am, but I will tell you one thing that I know for a fact, I trust you and feel safe with you. I don’t know how long I am going to be like this, but I feel that with you by my side things will work out for the best. I just need you to be patient with me.”

And there was yet another thing for me not to believe; Alex, feeling safe, with me. As I stood there, wondering what to do or say next, she slid her arms around my waist and rested her head against my chest.

“Don’t know abou’ you Bolls, but I could really murder a fry-up. How ‘bout we get dressed an’ then get out of ‘ere?”

I felt her laughter, her warm breath tickling my skin.

“You do know how to spoil a girl Gene.”

I joined her in laughter.

“You're never goin’ t’ be able t’ say that the Gene Genie doesn’ know ‘ow t’ show a girl a good time! Now shift your arse; I’m bloody starvin’”

As she laughed again and moved away from me towards the bedroom I took a chance to ogle her gorgeous arse. I really was a lucky sod! Okay, she hadn’t said that she loved me, and I couldn’t expect her to when she didn’t know who she was or who I was, but she felt safe with me and trusted me, and right now that was more than I could have hoped for.

Her voice drifted from the bedroom, “I thought you were bloody starving?”

I shook my head and smiled; heading for where she was. “Keep your ‘air on Bolls, I’m comin’!”


	13. Chapter 13

Alex sat opposite me, nursing a mug of tea, a half eaten bacon roll on a plate in front of her. Her eyes were fixed on me, something that I found a little disconcerting as I couldn’t read her expression.

“What? ‘Ave I got sauce on my face or somethin’?”

“You’ve got beautiful eyes.”

I nearly choked on my mouthful of sausage. Of all the things that she could have said, that was one thing I wasn’t expecting.

“Give over! You goin’ bloody soft???”

“No, really, you’ve got beautiful eyes. And those eyelashes; they wouldn’t look out of place on a baby cow.”

“Well, if you’re goin’ to insult me!” I wasn’t really offended, and it was nice to see her being light hearted.

“I’m being serious. Your eyes are like a stormy sea, they change colour, one minute they’re green, the next they’re blue, and they you look again and they are silver. And, going back to your lashes; most women would kill for lashes like those.”

“They’re jus’ eyes woman!”

“Well I like them, and I could quite happily drown in them.”

The words had only just about left her mouth when she started to colour up; and I could tell that she was embarrassed at having said so much. I decided to be kind to her.

“So, we ‘ave a few hours until your appointment at the ‘ospital, what would you like t’ do with them? I could take you…” I trailed off when she interrupted me.

“I want to go to where we work.”

“Why on earth would you want t’ go t’ CID?” I was surprised as I thought that that would be the last place on earth she would want to be anywhere near.

“I hate being like this Guv, not knowing anything about my life, about the people in it, about you. When you brought me home yesterday I was terrified but, after a night’s sleep, with you holding me in your arms, the flat didn’t terrify me any more. I still don’t remember living in it, but it felt safe, like you do. I have to start confronting the things that terrify me; I need to go to places that I used to go to, see the people who I used to see on a day to day basis, and hope to God that something clicks. I can’t live my life wandering around as though someone has bleached my brain. I need to remember things; I need to remember you.”

The thought of her remembering me, and then us going back to the way things were terrified the hell out of me, but I knew that I had to do everything within my power to help her, and if that meant putting aside my needs and confronting my own fears, then that was what I would have to do.

“OK then Bolls, finish up your breakfast and then I shall take you t’ my kingdom.”

She raised one eyebrow at me quizzically.

“Your kingdom?”

“I am the Manc Lion, and CID is my kingdom.”

Alex drained her mug, and stood, picking up her coat. I helped her on with it, put on my own, and then offered her my arm, which she gladly accepted, snuggling herself into my side.

“Come on then Lion King; take me to your kingdom!”


	14. Chapter 14

As we crashed through the double doors that led to CID I could almost make myself believe that it was just a normal working day. I say almost because, apart from that first day when I carried her into the office in my arms, I couldn’t recall a time when Alex had been snuggled up to me, her perfume invading my senses.

I knew that there were going to be a few raised eyebrows and more than a few crude comments if Ray was true to form. I just hoped that Bolly was strong enough to handle them if I was by her side.

Sure enough, we had hardly set foot in the room before Ray opened his mouth.

“Bloody ‘ell, the Guv’s pulled.”

I glared at him, and then glanced down at the woman hanging onto my arm; relieved to see that she was far too enthralled by her surroundings to have heard what he said. I let her lead, wanting to take things at her pace.

As she made her way over to her desk, whether by instinct or because it was the only desk other than mine which was currently unoccupied, I noticed that Chris was doing a very convincing impression of a goldfish, his eyes almost out on stalks. He wasn’t the only one who was looking on in interest; Bammo, Poirot and Terry were also staring at us as if they had never seen us before. Shaz was the only one who was carrying on as if it was a perfectly normal day; Bolls was right about her, smartest one of the bloody lot.

“Is this my desk?”

I looked down at Alex and smiled.

“Sure is Bolls, we gave you a nameplate and everythin’.” 

She smacked me playfully on the arm with her free hand, still completely oblivious to what was going on, or maybe not going on, around her.

“Well aren’t you a sarcastic sod! So Lion King, if this is your kingdom then where is your throne?”

I pouted at her, but was sure that my eyes were sparkling with humour.

“I don’t just ‘ave a throne; the Manc Lion has an entire throne room. Allow me t’ show you.”

Still linked arm in arm, I led her between the desks towards my office. Once she got close enough to read my name on the door she started laughing.

“What’s amused you Mrs Woman?”

“I get a nameplate on my desk; you get your name on the door. Is that so your subjects know who you are?”

“It’s so they know who I am an’ ‘ow important I am!”

She laughed again, and I was struck by how different and carefree this Alex was compared to the one who knew who she was. When she had said that she needed to face the things that terrified her I had thought that I would be dealing with a hysterical and tearful mess. Instead she was laughing and joking, although she still hadn’t let go of my arm. Maybe just having me by her side gave her confidence. I wasn’t about to try leaving her on her own as I was sure that would lead to a meltdown.

I was so preoccupied with my thoughts that I almost missed her next comment.

“You don’t need a sign on the door for me to know how important you are.”

I squeezed her hand gently and smiled again, knowing that my reputation was currently being ripped to shreds, but at the same time not really caring. I could and would put the fear of God into the team later; right now all that mattered was Alex.

Shaz approached us.

“Tea with five sugars Guv?”

“Please Shaz, an’ the usual for DI Drake please. We’ll be in my office.”

As Shaz hurried away to the kitchen I opened the door and Alex and I made our way into the office. For the first time since we had got out of the Quattro she let go of my arm and almost ran to my chair and sat in it. I looked at her quizzically.

“You comfortable?”

“Just trying out your throne.”

I perched myself on the edge of my desk next to her.

“An’ does it meet with your approval Lady Bolls?”

“It’ll do.” 

She looked around the office and beyond; her expression puzzled.

“Somethin’ wrong?”

“It’s like the flat; with you here it doesn’t terrify me, but I also don’t remember anything. I really hoped that something would click.”

I took her hands in mine and made her look at me.

“Bolls, you ‘eard the same things from the doctor as I did. ‘E said that there was no rushin’ this, your memory would come back when it was ready an, until that ‘appens you’re stuck with me lookin’ after you.”

“You say that as if it is a bad thing.”

The moment was shattered by a gentle knock on the door. Shaz entered, put the teas on the desk and then left. That girl deserved a promotion! I handed Bolly her tea and then sipped mine.

“Looks like you get a lot of work done.” She nodded towards the dartboard that hung on the wall of my office.

“I’ll ‘ave you know that I do my best thinkin’ durin’ a game of darts.”

She raised her eyebrows at me. “Really?”

She had me. “OK, maybe not, but it means that I don’t take my frustrations out on those idiots in the office, so think of it as my therapy.”

“I wonder what my therapy will be.”

Mentally I kicked myself; I should have known better.

“They said that they were goin’ t’ try an’ ‘elp you remember who you are; somethin’ about talkin’ through what you remember, seein’ if it jogged anythin’ else.”

“Will you be there with me?”

“I don’t know if I can be in the room, but I’ll be outside if I can’t.”

She took a sip of her tea.

“Thanks.”


	15. Chapter 15

We didn’t spend long in the office; Alex tired easily and I didn’t want to set back her recovery, such as it was. After heading back to her flat, we had something to eat together and then she went for a lie down. While she was resting I did the washing up, and then dozed on the sofa.

It was the screaming that woke me; ear piercing and glass shattering, and almost exactly the same noise that Alex had made when the Prices had been blown to pieces. I was on my feet in an instant and rushed into Alex’s bedroom. The sight that greeted me almost broke my heart. Alex was sitting up in bed, looking wildly around her, tears streaming down her face as her hands clawed at the bedding. I hurried to her side, sitting down on the mattress and reaching out for her.

“Bolls? Bolls? Alex, it’s me, Gene, you’re all right.”

She focused on me; and I was almost relieved when she threw her arms around me and began to sob on my shoulder. I ran a hand up and down her back, rocking her in my arms.

“Hush Bolls, nothin’ an’ no one is goin’ t’ ‘urt you.”

I carried on soothing her until her cries had almost petered out to nothing. She gently pushed herself away from me and furiously wiped her eyes with the heels of her hands.

“Feel like talkin’ about it?”

Alex put her arms around me again, her head back on my shoulder. I rested my cheek against the top of her head and waited for her to speak.

“I remember everything Gene.”

I froze, not quite sure what to make of this development; especially as she wasn’t acting how I would have expected Bolly to act if she remembered all that had happened to her. I realised that she was still speaking.

“The day the Prices died you sent me to get checked out by the police surgeon. He gave me Temazepam. I was in my flat and the image of the car exploding kept playing over and over in my mind, and whenever I closed my eyes the image was projected onto the back of my eyelids. I was so tired, and I just wanted to sleep. I didn’t mean to take so many, nor did I mean to wash them down with all that wine; I just wanted to rest.

“I’m sorry that I scared you; but I’m not sorry that you found me, and I’m not sorry that you saved me. You’ve been here for me all the time, haven’t you Gene? You haven’t left my side since you found me; and I know what you said to me in the hospital; I hope you know that I feel the same way about you.”

I still didn’t move, but I was sure that she could hear my heart pounding; it felt to me as if it were trying to jump out of my chest. I felt her hands stroking me; one of them mirroring what I had done to soothe her earlier, the other stroking the nape of my neck. All of my blood seemed to be heading south, and I was sure that she would soon be aware that sergeant rock was standing to attention!

“Life is too short Gene; if there’s one thing that I have learnt out of all of this then it is that. I don’t want to waste one more second fighting with you; fighting what we feel for each other.”

Somehow I found my voice. “I need you t’ be ‘onest with me Bolls; I don’t think my ‘eart could take it if you were playin’ games.”

Alex pulled away from me and looked deep into my eyes. She cradled my face with one hand, running her fingers softly over my lips.

“I’m not playing anything any more Gene. This is real, this is what I want; you are what I want.”

I didn’t get a chance to reply, her lips crashed onto mine and we finally gave in to the feelings that both of us had been hiding from for so long. Passion overtook us and clothes disappeared, and before either of us really knew what was happening we were naked and I was above her.

I looked deeply into her eyes.

“You really want this Alex? There’s still time for me t’ get dressed an’ go home.”

She pulled me to her and, as she wrapped her legs around me and I slid home I heard her whisper, “Don’t you dare!”


End file.
